Shadowplay
by DonutDemon30
Summary: -"I know I'm not the best person but... I always thought you hated me...? You always act so annoyed with me." Pearl sighs and looks over the ocean. "Because I thought it was no use. I felt like you were using me when your boy was gone."- Self harm/suicide trigger warning. T


**Inspired by Shadowplay by Joy Division**

Pearl walks up the stairs and knocks on Amethyst's door before entering. Amethyst is sitting on the window seal. "I came to give you back some- What are you doing?" she changes her sentence when she sees the x-acto knife in Amethyst's hand. She shuts the door and rushes over, grabbing the hand with the blade in it. The other wrist sliced up.

"Did I say you could come in?" Amethyst pulls her hand away. Pearl sits next to her and sighs.

"Why are you hurting yourself again?"

"Whats in the box?" She changes the subject.

Pearl remembers why she even came in here. "Things you've left in my room."

Amethyst opens the box. "Like what?"

"A pipe," She begins to shift through it, but still keeping hold of her new-found question. "Shoes, your purple strap on. Why are you hurting yourself?"

The shorter of the two pulls back. "Reasons..." She sets the box down on her bed close by.

"Talk."

Amethyst sighs. "Lars... He just straight up told me he doesn't like me. That every time we had sex, it was because we didn't have clear minds. He's been with Sadie this whole time."

"Well, you don't exactally have the most... stable relationships either." Pearl recalls all of the times Amethyst had brought home Lars after _they_ had done something.

"Pearl, I don't fuck because I'm bored or just for the hell of it. It means something more to me and he took advantage of that. Every single time I've had sex, it was because I loved the person and I was convinced they loved me too."

Pearl sits still for a moment then shoves her hands in the front pocket of her dark grey sweatshirt. "Well, what about me?"

"What _about_ you?"

"We've made love way more times than you two have and every time he does this, you're heart broken. It means something more to me too. He uses you, I don't."

"But I know when it happens its real with him-"  
"And its not with me? You think he loves you? I know he's never been there for you. When you needed someone, he always had an excuse to not be that someone. Lars has never had your back. He's never stayed up all night talking you out of suicide. He's been part of the reason you wanted to comit suicide." Pearl looks down at the floor. "He doesn't care if you hurt yourself. You're just another body to him."

Amethyst clenches her fists. "You don't know that!"

"He doesn't know it either, I mean, he knows partially. But he doesn't care. He's a stupid kid that doesn't actually feel the way you expect him to." Pearl stands and folds her arms.

"Shut the fuck up."

Pearl shrugs and starts walking to the door. But Amethyst catches her wrist, accidentally placing her hand above her sleeve. What she feels on the others wrist kills her. Pearl turns around right as Amethyst lifts up Pearl's sleeve to reveal deep, thick gashes. She pulls her arm away and steps back.

"Why?" Amethyst stares at the slices on the opposite girls arm.

"Now you care?" She nearly laughs. Amethyst looks up with sad, yet angry eyes. "Because..." She takes a deep breath. "Because I love you. And you're doing this to me. Over and over again. I try to prove it when you actually pay attention to me but you'll always be hung up on that little bastard. He doesn't deserve you and you don't deserve to be treated like that. I've known you long enough to know who you really are. That you're more than just some lost kid. That you're stong and smart and better than those stupid kids." Tears sting Pearl's eyes. "I don't know what its going to take to get that into your mind but I haven't stopped trying and I wont." She pulls her sleeves over her hands and walks out.

* * *

 _"To the center of the city where all roads meet, waiting for you. To the depths of the ocean where all hopes sank, searching for you_." Pearl sits on the beach, listening to music. The same song has been on repeat for a while. " _I was moving through the silence without motion waiting for you. In a room with a window in the corner I found truth_."

Amethyst stands on the board walk when she finally sees Pearl on the edge of the water. " _In the shadowplay acting out your own death, knowing no more. As the assassins all grouped in four lines, dancing on the floor_." Amethyst works up the courage to go talk to her and walks down to the women. " _And with the cold steel, odour on their bodies made no move to connect. But I could only stare in disbelief as the crowds all left_."

Amethyst sits next to Pearl. The taller one looks over to her and takes out her ear bud. "What you listening to?" Amethyst asks, trying to break the ice.

Pearl pauses her music. "Joy Division. What do you want?"

"I'm sorry for being a bitch."

"Wow, you're apologizing. This is big, I should call the local news station." Pearl says sarcastically but with no hint of humor in her voice.

"I know I'm not the best person but... I always thought you hated me...? You always act so annoyed with me."

Pearl sighs and looks over the ocean. "Because I thought it was no use. I felt like you were using me when your boy was gone."

"No. I'm sorry for all this. I never meant to hurt you like that."

"Well you did. But... I do appreciate your attempt to apologize."

Amethyst half smiles. "So.. are we semi-good for now?"

"Sure." Pearl shrugs, but theres still distance in her voice. "But if you actually like me like you say you do, show an effort."

"Alright." Amethyst looks over to Pearl. "I do like you." She kisses Pearl's cheek.

Pearl smiles and leans her head on Amethyst's. "I like you too."

 _"I did everything, everything I wanted to. I let them use you, for their own ends. To the center of the city in the night, waiting for you. To the center of the city in the night, waiting for you..."_


End file.
